Three days of glory coming for Seattle sports fans


Things aren’t always easy for sports fans in Seattle, but with strange cosmic forces aligning, in one month we could see the most awesome three days imaginable all in a row.

January 31, 2014

Chuck Armstrong, President & Chief Operating Officer Seattle Mariners will finally, finally, finally retire.

Under Armstrong’s “leadership,” the Mariners are going to lose ninety games each season. That’s just who they are. That’s their “identity”, in spite of being one of the higher revenue teams. Their “identity” starts at the top. At 73, Howard Lincoln is two years older than Chuck Armstrong. As one of the few corporation-run MLB teams, maybe it’s time for the Ms to give their Chairman & Chief Executive Officer a golden parachute.

Can you remember what you were doing in 1983? Were you even born? That’s how long Chuck Armstrong has been running the Mariners… Into the ground, some might say. His track out of town is greased by a Seattle Times expose’ detailing hysterical dysfunction and backstabbing by the Mariners front office resulting in the resignation of Eric Wedge, the Ms have now had seven different managers since 2007. Of a particular Armstrong tirade Wedge said: “It got loud.”

February 1, 2014

David Stern, Commissioner, Super Villain & chief executive of the National Basketball Association will retire.

Stern has always favored big market, big money teams over the little guys and he was instrumental in the colossal screwjob forever to be known as Sonicsgate. I guess we should not have been surprised. Stern has been stacking the deck for years.

In the 1985 NBA draft lottery, two of the draw envelopes were bent on insertion into the basket, resulting in them becoming uniquely distinguishable. Drawing the first overall pick, lifelong Knicks fan David Stern reached directly for a recognizably bent one and voila! The Knicks win the lottery! They’d take Georgetown University seven-foot front-court stud Patrick Ewing and lay the foundation of a great team to give unfathomable pleasure to a generation of Knicks fans.

“This is going to be short for me, I have a game to get to in Oklahoma City.” Remember this? It was Commissioner Stern at the May 15 press conference detailing the NBA Board of Governors denial of the relocation of the Kings to Seattle. This little reminder came at a moment of supreme vulnerability for us Sonics fans and Stern jammed in the shank and twisted it. Stern is a largely, almost universally, hated man. He was booed nearly off the podium announcing the picks at the 2013 draft in Brooklyn. Stern’s sneering response: “Feh. That all you got?”

February 2, 2014

The NFL Super Bowl will be played in New Jersey.

The Seahawks can get there, we all know they can. The number two seed in the NFC and is the southern Carolina Panthers, who we have already beaten on the road. The Saints and the 49ers have come to the Clink and lost in embarrassing fashion to the ‘Hawks. Who really stands in our way? I don’t see anyone in the NFC challenging us. It may come down to the AFC Champion Denver Broncos.

Can you imagine a Peyton Manning versus Russell Wilson Super Bowl? Is this even fathomable? Manning and Wilson have comparable early-career stats (tied at 26 for rookie tds) in spite of being rounds apart in draft position. Is Wilson a Peyton Manning? Or is Russell Wilson even better? This may actually be decided in the Super Bowl. It will be the first Super Bowl played in a cold-weather outdoor stadium. Manning is a notorious crud-weather clutch, while Wilson is notoriously clutch.

Not to presume anything here about the Seahawks making the Super Bowl, there’s a reason they play the games after all, but these three days could just turn out to be the greatest in Seattle sports history.

Top Five: relive the Legion of Boom’s greatest hits of all time.

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