Bon Jovi wants to buy the Buffalo Bills and move them Canada much to the disgust of Bills fans everywhere. Ever since I was a child I have been well aware of how awful Bon Jovi’s music is. Today I decided I was going to do this list and I regret that decision incredibly. I picked his 5 worst songs of all-time and forced myself to sit here and watch the music videos. I must say that I had no idea that any band could make such horrible music videos. By far the best part of my experience was the advertisements before the YouTube videos started.
To start, all of these songs sound exactly the same. I don’t care if you’re a huge fan, if I played you a 5 second clip you probably wouldn’t be able to identify which song it was from because it’s all complete garbage. I tried to make it through “Bad Medicine” and I just couldn’t do it. So here it is… the top five worst Bon Jovi songs of all-time:
5. Livin’ on a Prayer – Slippery When Wet
Bon Jovi shows us his sense of humor with the album name. This song focuses on random people like Tommy and Gina living their life, but Bon Jovi makes it seem like their lives are so awful that they’re praying it will get better. Tommy has a job on the docks which isn’t half bad seeing as he probably dropped out of high school, so good for him that he’s working full time. Bon Jovi is just being a smug arrogant jackass in this song. This video is just shots of a fake concert they’re playing with like 75 camera angles and fake fans. The video is 4 minutes and 8 seconds of pure torture on the ears. At 3:26 he just starts flying, no explanation is given, then in the next shot he’s back on stage playing. The only reason this piece of crap didn’t make it higher was because I like that video of that dude singing it at that game a few years back.
4. You Give Love a Bad Name – Slippery When Wet
He sings the whole song about a girl being a loaded gun, so he clearly has no perception of reality. Reality? He’s singing about some girl breaking up with him, but the relationship clearly failed because he complains about everything and he has woman’s hair. Another video of random clips from a fake show, it’s literally the same song and same video over and over again. This song was 3:53 and I am so upset I watched the whole thing.