Realistic Washington Redskins predictions 2014: Keeping it sober


On the street corner of Cool and Real, a Korean rock star waves a sign that reads, “Stay Real, Redskins Fans.”
And no, he is not handing out Jesus tracts. (Left those in the car today.)

A year after he was born in Athens, Ga., his family moved to Silver Spring, Md., where they stayed 11 years, then relocated to Fairfax County in Virginia (…shut up, enough about you Eli, no one cares…)

Growing up (see what I did there?), this naïve boy supported his home team. For his 12th birthday, his father took him to the Redskins-Panthers game in Landover. Amazing experience.

Yes, this was also the year 2000, when I fell out of love for good and divorced the franchise. Oh, I changed my number. My Asian hairstyle.

Blame the writers. I bought into the promising headlines. Super Bowl or Bust. A team so pumped, so revitalized, my oh my—a devastation if we were to miss the postseason. Hall of Fame names decorated the roster sheet: Bruce Smith, Deion Sanders, Darrell Green and LaVar Arrington.

Champ, a guy we would later adore and revere, then ship unceremoniously to Denver.

Snyder’s attempt to buy a Super Bowl ring was in full disclosure. Our, or at least mine, hopes inflated with each pump fake. Brad ‘Moses’ Johnson was to lead D.C. to the Promised Land. Guess he half-assed the parting of the Red Sea, and the Burgundy-and-Gold went from 7-4….to 8-8.

Did I stutter? That hot-air balloon of ego and false expectation exploded 14 summers ago. Thank you, Mr. Snyder, for building this noise-canceling machine I never wanted. My tolerance for the Screamo that comes to D.C. every offseason is higher….than your bankroll.

My friends, our Redskins aren’t going 11-5 this season. Check their schedule. They may not even go 9-7. Let’s not buy into the overpriced hype. Me, I wouldn’t buy that DeSean Jackson jersey just yet.

For now, take it one play at a time, like our former coach Marty Schottenheimer once preached.

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  • Lewis Scott

    Loving your writing style and opinion on this. Looking forward to future articles.

    • Eli

      Thank you Lewis!

  • Hugh Honey

    Your article tastes like honey

  • Anonymous

    Your like the people who predict war and devastation in the hope that one appears…speak for yourself

  • Back in the Village

    Your like the people who predict war for millions in hope that one appears…speak for yourself, and if you don’t have anything good to say, stfu.

  • Eli

    Nothing is new under the sun.

  • Jeff

    12-4 with a healthy RGIII and a little luck. 8-8 otherwise.

  • Skins Hog Heaven

    You seem bitter.

    • Eli

      Seems that way, but not at all.