News broke this morning that a lawsuit was filed against Cleveland Browns’ QB Johnny Manziel. It was filed by Samantha Schacher, and her terms are a restraining order on Manziel as well as $25 million to make up for her emotional distress.
At first glance, this sounds like horrible news for the rookie. But once you start looking into the details, you will not only start laughing uncontrollably, but you will start to smell something fishy. The report is very (hilariously) graphic, so you can read the nitty gritty details yourself here. Some edited excerpts:
“…Manziel sent me a Instagram photo of himself naked…putting a hotdog bun between his [man-part], smiling [and saying] ‘Ho, Ho, Ho’.”
“Manziel sent me a homemade video of himself at Walt Disney World on ‘It’s a Small World’ ride…while the song is on, he puts the camera down, unbuttons his pants, pulls [something] out and jingles his [thing] to the music.”
Also, the measurement of 4 1/2 inches comes up in the report, along with the overarching theme of Manziel’s manhood being undersized. The lawsuit is obviously absurd, and I hold no doubt in my mind that Manziel did none of these things. The report goes on and on, getting more ridiculous as it goes on. The sheer ridiculousness of it by itself clears Manziel.
Besides, why would he send naked selfies to some random chick? Have you seen his current girlfriend? I also think that we have a new nickname for Johnny until he earns his “Football” title back: Johnny “Hot Dog” Manziel.