Strange Cleveland Browns items that make no sense


We truly are fanatics about sports. Almost every good we manufacture can be customized with logos and color schemes of our sports teams. We have backpacks, bean-bag chairs, clocks, and lampshades. I personally have never understood the garden gnome thing. The list goes on and on. And I love it. Right now, I’m drinking from my Cleveland Browns coffee thermos.

But sometimes we take it a little too far. Here are a few items that would be better off without the brown and orange color scheme…or maybe just not manufactured at all.

“NFL Cleveland Browns Thematic Mascot Dangle Hat” – $17.99


Look at that thing. Part of me wants to think it’s cute, but mostly I want to turn away in horror. Those eyes, those dead, staring eyes! And what the hell are the tassels supposed to be? The dog’s mangled, de-boned front legs? This is one item that should never have been made.


“Cleveland Browns Garter with Lace” – $11.95


NO. Just stop it. I don’t even really know what garters are for or if they even have a practical use. But one thing I do know – the Browns’ logo should NOT be on a garter. Or anything with lace.


“Cleveland Browns Football Bleacher Creacher Wind-Up Toy” – $6.85


Ack! For the love of all that’s good and holy, what is that thing?!?!  The misshapen head. The one giant front tooth with no others. The white eyebrows that make this decrepit thing look like an old man. And we’re supposed to wind it up and let this demon from hell walk across our coffee tables? I may never sleep again.


“Cleveland Browns Hammer” – $35.00


This one’s just dumb. Imagine a situation where you’re hanging out with your friends, and suddenly someone needs a task done with hammer. To the amazement of all of your colleagues, you reach into your toolbox, and pull out the gleaming Cleveland Browns Hammer. Sound like a situation you’d encounter? Congratulations, you’re the one person on earth who would ever want to buy this item.

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  • Sean

    The garter is for Weddings. The wife of a Browns fan wears it for the Garter Ceremony, during the reception. It’s her way of saying she loves her football fan hubby. NOT a stupid item.

    The “Odd Head” on the Bleacher Creacher Wind-Up Toy is a FOOTBALL. How hard was it to figure that out. The eyebrows and tooth are similar to the Peanut M&M, in their ads. It’s a FOOTBALL SHAPED M&M. Get it now?

  • Michael Snyder

    I have a NFL Cleveland Browns Thematic Mascot Dangle Hat. I wear it to the browns games when it gets cold and I need a hat. I have received many compliments on the hat. Oddly I bought it in the Browns gift shop during one of the games in November. I the next home game I went to purchase another one for my Browns Room. They were all gone. WOOF WOOF

  • pihc

    Cute article describing 1st world problems. I liked every item up there and am now doing a google to see where I can purchase them. Eric, you don’t know what a garter is for? I guess if you’re like 12, then I’ll let this one “slip”.