Tonight the ESPY awards are airing on ESPN, where the best athletes in the world mingle with movie stars. We all tune in to bask in the glory of the most popular people in the world. Basically it’s a lot like high school. You remember high school.
The excitement of having new freedoms and making new friends, the angst of dating, acne, popularity contests, cliques. Homecoming. The prom.
If you ever want to take a stroll down memory lane and remember what those times were like all you need to do is take out your high school year book. You can marvel at your ridiculous haircut and the immature things you and your friends wrote on the inside cover. Best of all is the yearbook awards, predicting who will be the most successful, who will end up marrying whom, and so on.
We decided to hand out some awards of our own. Here’s how we think the Cincinnati Bengals 2014 year book would look like.
Prom King – A.J. McCarron
This choice is about as easy at it comes. McCarron is already dating the hottest girl in school and he’s a proven winner. He may not be the starter for the Bengals yet, but something tells me that his time is coming soon.
Least likely to become President – Tyler Eifert
The thing about become President of the United States is that first you have to be vetted. That means everything that you’ve ever done since you were a baby gets examined with a microscope. Just look at Eifert’s face. Now try telling me that guy is not stoned every single day of his life.