I would never wish injury on anyone, so the purpose of this article is that if I could pick 5 people who could have torn their ACL’s instead of Kiko Alonso, they would be the following:
5. The lady in this commercial:
She is such a bad actress that humanity would have been better off if when she walked through the door instead of yelling at her husband after she clearly got home with bags of stuff they didn’t need (because she dropped the bags and probably broke half of what was in there anyway) she tore her ACL and fell to the ground, then Bill Cowher came in and laughed at her. That would have saved Kiko and also made me feel better about paying Time Warner all this money because they have a monopoly on the market in my area. Also that lady sucks.
4. Bon Jovi
There is no chance he wasn’t making this list. Bon Jovi makes the worst music and he at one time wanted to buy our team and move it to Toronto, which I’m fairly sure makes him a terrorist, so obviously take off that jacket. You can see my article of the Top 5 Worst Bon Jovi songs HERE
3. Iggy Azalea
This human being makes absolutely no sense to me. She sounds like a man, is as tall as a man and has hips the size of Chris Farley. Her song is ruining the radio and because she is so weird looking it might be safe to assume that her ACL is in her throat and a torn ACL just might stop her from rapping.
2. Rosie O’Donnell
She was cool as hell when she was in A League of Their Own and then she was pretty cool when she was flinging Koosh balls around on her show that I watched when I got home from elementary school, but boy does she suck now! She doesn’t walk around anyway so if her tearing her ACL would have saved Kiko I don’t think anyone would have cared.
1. Bon Jovi
This would be his other ACL. He is releasing another album of 13 more terrible songs and it would be fantastic if he couldn’t walk at all and the promotional stuff was cut down and then maybe someone at the record label would be like “Oh yeah this is actually really bad let’s light every trace of it’s existence on fire.”